reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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