i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
