brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
