there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
