Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
