Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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