No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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