After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize