all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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