Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
