sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
His hands were made for my vagina.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize