i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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