Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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