He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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