My underwear smells like fireworks.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
