I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
