you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
