I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
