How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
