fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
