I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
