And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
