as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize