I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
