someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize