I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
