is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
