Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my sisters under your porch take her home
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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