Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize