i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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