I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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