just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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