no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
