Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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