if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
