so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
