He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
