you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
