yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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