I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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