i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
