you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
