carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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