4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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