i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Pants are for mortals
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
