You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
