I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
