How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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