I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
