were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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