So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
