New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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