Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
