Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize