I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
