I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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