your room smells of hookers.
And success
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
