your parents love me but you hate me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
