I have demons in me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
