It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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