So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
