My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
