Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
