At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
