Can Purell be used as lube?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
