Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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