Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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