Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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