i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
