is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
