they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
