I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
