You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
