whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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