You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
