I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
