he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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