Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
