I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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