Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
