The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
