life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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