Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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