I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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