when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
