pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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