Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
