Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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