dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
