Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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